Is Feminity a weakness? 4 revealing things no one tells you.

Be the best version of yourself

This post was inspired by Proverbs 31 of the Bible and T.D Jakes’ book, “The Lady, her Lover, and her Lord”. Oh, I know right? Read it again. It says FEMINITY, not FEMINISM. Don’t get it twisted.

Just to clear things up, this article is not a scientific paper. It does not discuss any of such arguments, neither does it include general issues of culture or race. Two (2) biological genders are considered here:male (man) and female (woman).

Feminism is about equal rights as men and women; equal opportunities and privileges( inclusiveness). There’s a continuous debate and confusion among world leaders, women groups, and the general public on the Feminist movement; what it is, and what it should be. I’ll leave it at that. Form your own opinion.

Read Sheryl Sandberg’s “Lean In” 

Read Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s on “We should all be feminists.

Now, to our focus, FEMINITY. These are the characteristics associated with being a female. In other words, what it means to be a woman.  Obviously, we have many biological and behavioral features that make us different from men. For the sake of understanding, let’s see what MASCULINITY is. Masculinity is also the set of attributes associated with males.

Being masculine is mostly associated with having a sharp focus, security, assertiveness, being protective and confident. In the Ghanaian society, there is a saying that “Obarima nnsu” meaning, men don’t cry. Many men who strictly go by these qualities, no matter the extent, are hailed. Even some people may make fun of men who exhibit any of the traits associated with being feminine. They call them, “Kojo Besia”, “Obaa barima” or “Barima kotobonku”. Men are more action-oriented.

For some years now, I’ve felt strongly that there is the need to revise the behavioral features of a woman or lady, FEMINITY. Some people choose to call it “FEMININE ENERGY”. These are in-built (natural) while others may be acquired or learned. These are nurturing, having empathy, being sensitive, gentle, compassionate, detailed, a desire to connect and be loved. It’s much more about feelings: intentions and intuition. Women are more expressive. Society views this as vulnerability or weakness if I should put it this way.

I believe these constitute a woman’s softness. THEY ARE STRENGTHS AND NOT WEAKNESSES. Women are more fulfilled in being than doing. Names given to women who exhibit some male traits include, “Margaret Thatcher”, “Yaa Asantewaa”, “Woman of Steel” and “Iron lady”. They are generally seen as disrespectful, proud, or not submissive.


In this light, each person has some feminity and masculinity in him/her. We must just know how to balance these behaviors. So, men can be compassionate and detailed too and women can also be assertive and be secured. We (women) lose it when we forget our STRENGTHS in these ways:

  1. Being soft-spoken, considerate or having empathy IS NOT A WEAKNESS.

Just be you, a woman. It’s fulfilling. You eventually get tired of trying to be tough, look tough, talk like a man unless you have no choice. No judging here. I don’t know your circumstances.…In any way, you don’t need to prove a point to anyone koraa. I don’t know about you, but crying my heart out sometimes makes me feel better though it may not change the situation. Let it out, dear! Just show up for yourself and BE STRONG WHEN YOU HAVE TO. Be bold, beautiful, have principles and boundaries but be feminine. Don’t hide it.


  1. It’s okay to have a dream or an ambition but don’t overstep your boundaries.

As a leader of a country or an organization, a doctor, an Immigration Officer, simply put, a career woman, you can do it the feminine way. You can be balanced, prioritize, and sacrifice from time to time. Don’t harden your softness. You were created with complex details, compatible with your partner. Keep your feminity. There can’t be two men as partners.

Even as a housewife, don’t lose yourself. Wake up in the morning, put on attractive and comfortable clothes like you’re actually going out to work because you really are…….working.

If you want to wear heels, wear them. Put some make-up on if you want to, “dress-up to kill” your husband. Bottom-line, look nice and decent, budgeting within your means, by the way. Just be yourself.


  1. You can be independent and still give a man space to care for you.

You are the part of the man that is hard to express. Primarily, we complement and help, not replace and take over. Stop acting like you always have everything figure out, because you don’t. The truth is, you should not stress yourself, doing what the man in your life (your partner) can and is willing to do. You’ll grow old too quickly.


  1. Don’t lose your self-worth or your identity as a woman.

Notice you. Religiously, create time for yourself. You may have to juggle between being a mother, a worker, a wife, and a student. It’s especially hard if you don’t have a great support system, but you can.

You are not an afterthought. You were carefully crafted. Are you concerned that you have a big tummy? You don’t have that Coca-Cola shape? You are fat? You are thin? You are not busty? Worry more about your thoughts. Be healthy, mentally. Love yourself. Stop seeking validation from people.

Know and know and know, that you are beautiful. You are awesome and unique, irrespective of any deformity or your past. Use your intuition. You know exactly what I’m talking about if you genuinely feel you’re getting out of shape or “out of thought”. Don’t give excuses. Work on yourself as a person. Do something you love and at the same time, need to do. Exercise, read a book, consider dieting, focus on your spiritual well-being.



Remember, you are not a “superwoman”. You need your beauty rest. You need time to reboot and sometimes, just do nothing (at least for a few hours), my friend would say, otherwise you’ll shut down. Be creative and do what works for you, considering the people in your life and your circumstances. Woman, work it!

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Written by:

A believer, freelance writer, and kingdom blogger. I believe in bringing out the best in who God has made you be.

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